Either way you choose you cannot win!


So the lines had been drawn, the hostility has begun, the War is official.
Certain close people had said that behind the actual mask I'm full of Vengeance, Resentment, Anger and yes Hatred.
Turned I'am to the dark side.
So be it.

The question is not will I ever strike ?
The question should be when and how?
The question should be Who do you think is your foe or ally?
Is your ally your foe or vice-versa?
Is your dream actualy a masked nightmare?
Is your current reality altered by your perception of denial?
And believe me , nothing will prepare my victim for the onslaught that will be unleashed.

I hate, despise and abhor.

Irony

Just one phrase,
Irony of life or rather, Life is an irony.

an irony of choices

Sometimes I feel like I'm a fighter pilot:

Ground control to Major Tom, Take your steroid pills and put your helmet on,

5,
4,
Commencing countdown engines own,
Check ignition and may god's love be with you,
3,
2,
1,
0,

Vroommmmm

This is Major Tom to Ground Control, I'm stepping through the door, And the stars looks very different today, For Here....... I'am sitting in a tin can, Far...... above the world, Planet earth is Blue and there's nothing I can do.

Ground Control to Major Tom, Your circuits say there's something wrong, Can you hear Me MAjor Tom?Can you hear Me MAjor Tom?! Can you hear...... Me MAjor Tom!!

This is Major Tom to Ground Control,
Though I've pass 100,000 miles, I'm feeling very scared and I think my spaceship knows where to go. Tell my wife I love her very much... She knows.
~~~~~~~~~~~~silence~~~~~~


Major Tom Cat's Eye reconnaisance airplane was found 4 weeks later a few feet under Iraqi's sand dunes.

~~~
In a blink of an eye 230,000 people died by the stroke of Neptune's Trident

~~~~~~~
In a blink of an eye a friend died in the states,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a blink of an eye the Space Shuttle Challenger was reduced to dust
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

May god's love be with us

The Bad Fat pig


Yes that's the new nickname of my younger sis. Nope she's not that fat it's just a nick name.
From piglet, to pig, to fat pig and now bad fat pig.

Don't ask ne how it came to be. I'm as confused as you.
(Try saying it on Hokkien)

Hidamari no UtA


Met up with my Uni Alumni. Those lucky buggers whom the guys and gals still in the states called us because were all enjoying all good food.

Everyone seems to be doing fine, really fine. :). One will be in Australia for a while and I'll be in Shanghai but not as long (thank god). Not that I resent my original motherland but I can't understand a single word of Shanghainese, Yes it's different from Mandarin.

Other than that , met up with the Bratty Gang too, Everyone started to work or is looking for job.
Ohhh and my old classmates are changing jobs.

Great next we will be talking about kids!

Withdrawal of Conjunctions


At times I feel that somehow I'm burned out socially. I'm not as excited to keep in touch or meet up with old friends or make new friends.

"Burned out socially" nice term my colleague made. It is another phase of growing up?

I'm well known as a very proactive person who made everyone kept in touch. Organize high shool reunions, quaterly mamak for several group of friends, heck when i was in the states I bombarded people with at least 500 words of e-mail on a monthly basis. Yup I"m an expereinced to be expereince even when keeping in touch.

But now whumph. Just nada. Maybe I'm growing up or just getting old. (Cynical laugh)
Thought Teen-hood was hard? Young adults are worse.

Now to end with an excerpt form a song of olden days.

Turn around, look at what you see,
In your face, the miror of your dreams,
Reach the stars, fly a fantasy,
Dream a dream, and what you see will be,
Show no fear, for she may fade away,
In your hands, the birth of a new day...

Atarashi nichi, atarashi nichi. watashi hoshi

Open endedness and uncertainties


Yes I hate leaving thins open. It's very unbecoming of me. Masters/MBA, MSCDBA which my target was to complete by last year issitll at large. CCNA and CCNP. CCNA still yes but CCNP is it worth all the trouble?

Should I read up on the 4 textbooks and not take their exams? or even better snug my head and mind too story books of dragons, knights and space pirates like what I used too.

Yes we can plan, but only so muchof the plan can be actually planned without it being altered by everything else not in the plan. Besides that we can only Hope. And Hope it will be. Hope for that plan to come true to its initial plan. Else we will need to plan for another plan.

Visit to ShangHai (Tour of DutY)


What does a 3 week Business trip (Tour of duty) sound to the 3 of us "newbies" (maybe old, have kids or a decade of work experience but less than 1 year in working in my current company).
"UGHhHh " was the unaminous reply. The problem was, what needed to be done can only be done during weekends and even so after office hours.
So the question is what are we going to do for the 15 week days while were there??

(Everyone started scratching their heads)

2004 bye bye 2005 here

Sometime I actually wonder where my optimism went too.
Probably it depletes with maturity or "oldness" . I was very more optimistic back then, back then I felt the world were openning in front of me. For me to play, experience, challenge, tease and work with. That was years ago,
Hahahaahahahahah I'm starting to sound really old especially since I used the phrase "years ago". Back then I probably haven't seen the cruelty of life, seen the true human nature of humans. Viewing the world in Rose Tinted glasses I did.

I hate it when I get into this mood. SheesShHhhhhHhh . Every year there's always a promise of a better year, better year I don't know, maybe, maybe not. It's hard to judge a whole year on an overall in just either one of the words "Bad or Good" . But one thing is for certain, every year is a different year, that absolute. Change is constant my friend.

It's very fortunate to reflect back on the pass , to see the joys of years of before, the time of anguish , the challenges that were conquered, the naiveness of foolish acts, comrades and friends who left the mortal world. Tender moments of naught and of the fickling flame of the mind.

The lingering itch of What could have been and might have beeen. Not regrets, I'm not really one to regret. The future has no place for regrets. But learning from the past and gaining wisdom from it is entire a different matter and is encouragable.

But like all wounds, scars still hurt from time to time especially those touching and emotional scars. Physical scars go away with time and more often than not permanently. But mental and emotional scars can be as raw as when it had been first cut, just a pictureque or a glimmer of what caused or had significant conotation to it and. "The past is relived" with as much anguish,pain,sadness as before.

Lessons well learnt indeed, lesson for a lifetime, lessons that will shape my future decision and ultimately destiny.

Well in short, looking back at 2004 , a lot of things could have been far worse than it actually was and a lot of stuff could have been better.

I sincerely hope next year, I don't care whats the "zodiacers & astrologers" says. Next year or THIS YEAR is going to be MY YEAR. why? Because IT IS.

As it it said, and as it is written (even though written electronically) by all means it will be.

p/s Some things are beyond our jurisdiction as mortals but I will challenge myself to be master of what I have jurisdiction on. Starting with myself.

~Daryan Toh Kheng Leng~Dec 27 2004, 12.30 A.M